my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
