this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
