I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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