It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
