Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
