Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
