If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
