Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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