Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
