I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
