My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
