she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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