508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
