You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
