I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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