omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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