I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
