All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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