I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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