Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
