Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
