Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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