sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
