They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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