I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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