yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
