You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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