i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
