Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
