Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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