I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
