i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
