You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
