Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm both gender and math confused
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
