i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
