I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
