first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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