I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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