soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
