He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
