So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
