Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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