Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
