I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
