the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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