I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
