Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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