and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How's work?
Spinning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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