ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
