Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
