She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
