Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
