Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
