the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
