I think my fart just growled at me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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