dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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