I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
