Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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