With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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