Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
