Umm I'm too high to move.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
