Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
