I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
