Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
