GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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