I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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