3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Enjoy the penises
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
