smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Shame - the story of my life.
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