That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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