im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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