I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
