My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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