Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
